my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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