So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
