I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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