the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
