I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
