my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
