My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize