this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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