did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
