the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
