I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
