Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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