you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
