hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
