Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize