I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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