Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
