Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
