if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
