Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
