the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
