Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize