You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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