Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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