I accidentally had phone sex last night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
