oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
