Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
