I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
