I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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