There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
