i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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