The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
