So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
