you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
