You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We need to get me chipped asap
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
