im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
