Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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