She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
