Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
