so that wasnt chicken after all
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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