i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
