Duck Duck Cougar?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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