The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize