i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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