Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
