Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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