she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
