Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I would fuck him just for his dog
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
