He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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