On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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