I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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