the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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