You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
