Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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