Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
