Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pants are for mortals
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
