I think my vagina is haunted
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
