i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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