i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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