I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
