ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
