I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
