she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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