the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
