I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
