So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
