I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize