I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
