she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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