sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
