it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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