Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
