According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
