This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
