I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
