I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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