I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
